


Did You Really Think You Could Beat Them?

by WalkOnThroughARedParade



Series: No Power In The 'Verse Can Stop Me [1]
Category: Firefly, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Felix is a Reader and suffers far more outwardly than River does in Firefly canon, Implied Past Violence, M/M, Multi, beware of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-09 22:42:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WalkOnThroughARedParade/pseuds/WalkOnThroughARedParade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Don't belong to anyone anymore. Not you, or me, or them, much as they tried. Can't belong when you're never one person; I've had days when I don't even remember my name..." He trailed off, keeping his eyes shut while Peter's slid open; and he pushed lightly at Peter's grip on his wrists while green eyes flicked over his features.</p>
<p>"Please don't."</p>
<p>Or: In Which Peter And Wendy Were Always Confident They'd Get Felix Back; They Just Never Thought He'd Come Back Broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Did You Really Think You Could Beat Them?

**Author's Note:**

> Translations for the Chinese are at the bottom.

"Go, now. Tell Pockets to get us out of here." Peter almost threw Slightly in the direction of the bridge by his collar, eyes hard; but his other hand remained locked around Felix's wrist, and the moment the teenager had fled as commanded he turned and started for a more private room, grip softening so he could gently lead the unresponsive blonde along with him.

Felix dropped into a seat easily, fingers curling in his lap while he stared listlessly, blue eyes unfocused and drifting somewhere over Peter's shoulder when he moved to kneel in front of him once the door was locked. Peter gritted his teeth when Felix's eyes drifted across his face sightlessly, and he took one of the blonde's hands in his, interlocking their fingers tightly.

" _Felix_." His voice was quiet, a plea for the fourteen year old boy he'd lost to appear, even if just for a moment; and some vague recognition flickered in Felix's eyes, before they slid shut, and he tore his hand out of Peter's grip so he could push his fingers into his hair, curling in on himself, his speech rough and aching when it left his lips.

"Rung tse song di ching dai wuo tzo. No, no I don't want it, _please_." His voice dropped to mumbling even as his fingers visibly tightened on his hair, snagging in the tangled curls.

"Poke me full of holes and tell me not to leak when you fill me up. Ta ma de hun dan, blue hands stained in blood, stepping over bodies and taking notes." He let out a quiet, wounded noise, yanking hard on his hair; and Peter slipped his hands under Felix's, untangling his fingers until he stopped pulling and Peter could press gentle fingertips against his scalp, smoothing his hair back and then framing his face.

His eyes slid open just enough to flick up and meet Peter's, _finally_ focussing.

"It is advised that all nursing staff keep a distance of at least two metres from the subjects and avoid physical contact, as it has been shown to hinder the effectiveness of tests regarding subconscious neural impulses, and disrupt the process of implanting behavioural conditioning." Felix's voice was monotonous, like he was quoting something he'd heard; and Peter's expression faltered ever so slightly, and he started to pull away.

Felix shifted the barest inch forward.

"Don't." The word came out quiet and desperate, and Peter froze, but kept his hands on Felix's face, watching his suddenly clear and intent eyes.

Felix stared back at him for a long moment, expression unreadable; before his eyes slid shut again, and he leant into Peter's touch, fingers curling into fists in his lap.

"Let me pretend." He mumbled, pleaded; and Peter leant back toward him, gently smoothing his thumbs across the lines of Felix's cheekbones, lingering on the scar he'd gotten at some point since Peter had last seen him.

"What did they do to you?" His voice was a whisper as he scanned Felix's face for clues, the question mostly rhetorical; but Felix mumbled a reply, eyes staying shut.

"A human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems. Takes one year six months four days and seven hours to break the average Academy student. Guards take bets; laugh when they drain you out, add and subtract and put you back wrong." Felix's features creased, a pained expression flitting across his face for less than a second.

"Trying to push squares through circular holes." Felix's eyes slid open a fraction; and Peter knew how he must look, knew there was an equal mixture of horror and fury written across his face, that he looked both upset and angry and generally _wrecked_ by what Felix was telling him.

Felix's eyes softened.

"I miss you, Pan." He whispered; and Peter slid forward on his knees so he could press their foreheads together, eyes shut so he wouldn't have to look at the broken boy before him anymore.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, I swear." Felix didn't respond; but when Peter wrapped his arms around him, pulling him as close as possible, he tangled his fingers in the hem of the smaller boy's shirt and pressed his face into the crease of his neck.

-

Wendy burst into the room, drawing Henry's gaze from where he's been the middle of talking to Emma, his biological mother and Mary Margaret squashed together on the tiny screen so they could both be seen; and he blinked at the grin spread across her face.

"They're back! Henry they found him!" His expression cleared, and he bid distracted farewells to his mom and her friend before shutting off the wave, before Wendy dragged him to his feet and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly.

"We've finally got him back." She whispered, fierce into his ear; and Henry hugged her back, arms tight around her waist and nose buried in her hair.

"I'm happy for you." He mumbled. She detached herself carefully, before gripping either side of his neck and stretching up on her toes to press a feather light kiss to the corner of his mouth, smiling against his skin.

"He will _love_ you." She stated quietly, decisively. Henry smiled down at her when she pulled away; and she grinned, unable to keep the glee off her face.

"Felix is _back_." Wendy almost sang the words up at him, like she couldn't stop saying them, relishing the way they rolled off her tongue.

Henry just smiled down at her, happy that she was happy.

The door to the room slammed against the wall when it  was thrown open.

Henry and Wendy stopped smiling when Peter stalked in, blood smearing his cheek and hair ruffled like he'd been running his fingers through it repeatedly. His shoulders were stiff, everything about him tense; but for his expression, which was...

He looked furious and pained and like he was on the edge of bursting into angry tears, wrecked in a way Henry had never seen him.

Henry took two steps toward him, before Wendy made a quiet noise in the back of her throat and he paused, turning to look back at the doorway.

He didn't need to know him personally for the sight of the blonde boy stood there to make something lurch in his chest; and for a moment he could understand why Regina had panicked so incredibly after her visit to the Academy. Why she'd given him up.

The blonde boy lingered in the doorway for a long moment, eyes shifting around the room and his stance tense, cautious like he was waiting for someone to jump out and grab him. When he eventually walked in he took it slow, one hand lingering on the doorframe, his eyes scanning the corners of the room and his head cocked like he was listening for something.

Wendy glanced at Peter, her expression soft and confused, before she looked back at the silent boy still searching the room with his eyes.

"Felix?" His focus snapped over to her, eyes flicking over her face and up and down her form; before something like recognition settled in his features as she moved forward carefully, holding her hands out as an invitation for him to take them.

He looked down at her hands silently for a moment, before reaching out to smooth his fingertips across her palm; and a tentative smile spread across her lips, before he moved to gently tug on one of her curls.

Felix hummed softly.

"Dream, then." He mumbled; and Wendy's face dropped, while he took a step away from her, attention turning elsewhere. She reached out for him, lips parting on his name; but he flinched away from her, fingers clenching into fists while he squeezed his eyes shut.

"No. No more touching. Fine line between pretending and believing and I can't cross it again." He pushed his fingers into his hair, breath hissing out through his teeth while he turned away. Wendy turned her head to look at Peter, hurt and confusion written across her face; but Peter just shook his head, dropping into a chair and forcing his fingers through his hair, head dropping and shoulders slumping.

She glanced back at Henry briefly, bottom lip caught between her teeth, before she darted around Felix so she was stood in front of him. The blonde boy rocked back on his heels before he could touch her, and she kept her hands fisted at her sides, though her wish to touch him was clear on her face.

"Felix it's not a dream." Her voice was soft and insistent, and he rubbed at his eyes hard.

"Memorable dreams occur during REM sleep, when the flow of information between the hippocampus and the neocortex is reduced. Studies show dream flow assists the brain in strengthening the linking and consolidation of semantic memories, which are memories of concept-based knowledge, underlying the conscious recollection of factual information and general knowledge." Wendy inched closer, her voice growing strained.

" _Felix-_ " He cut over her, shaking his head, keeping the heels of his hands pressed against his eyes.

"These aren't my memories and I shouldn't have to carry them. Not if you're making me keep my own ones too. Why is it so _loud_?" He moved his hands just enough to squint at the room as a whole; and his eyes lingered on Henry for a moment, before sliding shut.

"That's definitely not mine." He mumbled; and Henry could see the moment Wendy snapped, watched the way her expression shifted minutely and couldn't quite reach out and stop her before she caught Felix's wrists in her hands, looking desperately into his face.

"Felix look at me. _Please_." His eyes snapped open and shifted sharply back to her face, and he tried to tug on his wrists once; before his face fell, and a soft, upset noise whispered out of him.

" _You're not coming for me_." Wendy sucked in a breath; but Felix continued, oblivious to the way her expression was changing, to Peter in his seat and the way he was pulling hard on his hair, _shaking_ as the blonde continued.

"No one's coming for me, Bird. Not you, not Peter, _no one_. And even if you were, there's nothing left to rescue. Egg shells and stripped wires." He pulled his wrists out of Wendy's now lax grip, turning and walking into a corner until he could slump to the ground, press his forehead to his knees and mutter unintelligibly under his breath.

Wendy stared at the space he'd vacated, looking like she'd stopped breathing; before she turned eyes rapidly filling with tears on Peter, mouth opening and closing like she couldn't get the words out.

He stared back at her for a moment, fingers buried in his hair, eyes hollow; before he glanced at Henry, and the younger boy smiled briefly.

"Go on. I'll stay with him." Peter's expression both softened and twisted, before he took Wendy's hand in his, offering Felix a final look before walking out of the door, shutting it silently behind the both of them.

Henry hesitated a moment, before moving to sit beside Felix, sliding down the wall and watching him quietly.

He could see, beyond the obviously new length of him, the scars on his face and, upon closer inspection, on his collar and his fingertips and the palms of his hands, beyond the hollow set to his eyes and the crease between them, he could _see_ the boy Wendy had told him about. Fourteen year old Felix, all corkscrew curls and intent blue eyes, dirt on his face and hands and a smirk creeping across his mouth.

Henry didn't even _know_ him and he missed the boy he'd been before the Academy; he couldn't imagine what Peter and Wendy were going through.

Felix flinched, curling his fingers into his hair, and Henry made as if to lay hands on him comfortingly; but he stopped himself half way, curling his fingers in the air and then dropping his hands into his lap. Felix didn't know him. Even if he had done, he'd not wanted Wendy touching him; there was no way he wanted Henry touching him.

The younger boy frowned down at his lap.

He was so out of his depth.

"Has to be a dream." It took Henry a moment to realise that Felix had spoken, and he glanced over him sharply. Felix wasn't looking at him, though; his head was buried in his arms, and when he spoke again it was muffled.

"They can't have come for me. They aren't that stupid." Henry watched him quietly for a moment, before speaking up, tone of voice cautious.

"Is it stupid?" Felix stiffened, before lifting his head just enough to watch the other boy warily. Henry drew strength from the look, continuing.

"They love you. Is it stupid that they didn't want to lose you? That they fought to get you out once they knew what that place was?" Blue eyes continued to study him for a long moment; before they softened.

"Yes." He stated, quietly, and his eyes slid shut.

"Better I'm left there forever than they have the Alliance coming down on them both." Felix's voice dropped to a rough whisper.

"They aren't forgiving. Not even to teenagers who don't know how to stop loving someone." Henry swallowed before asking his next question, tone especially gentle.

"Do you know how to stop? Have you made yourself stop loving them?" Felix tipped his head so it was tilted toward Henry, eyes still shut, and a corner of his mouth turned up ever so slightly.

Henry's heart thumped painfully.

"Never." He murmured the words, more a confession than anything else; before the smile vanished, and he pressed his face against his knees, twisting his fingers into his hair and starting to shake.

Henry watched him, expression dropping when he realised what he was mumbling under his breath.

"Don't think about it, don't think about it, they can't take it if you don't think about it."

Peter and Wendy walked back into the room, both with red-rimmed eyes, Wendy's bottom lip quivering while Peter's eyes were cold, expression unreadable; and he was deceptively gentle when he dropped to his knees in front of Felix, smoothing his fingers over the backs of his wrists until he looked up.

Peter's expression softened minutely.

"Do you want to sleep, Felix?" He asked gently.

Blue eyes flicked over his face silently.

"There are one hundred trillion synapses in the human brain; one thousand times as many stars as there are in the galaxy. Genes involved in the workings of synapses account for seven percent of the human genome." Peter shut his eyes, sucking in a deep breath before he opened them again and threaded his fingers through Felix's, carefully pulling him to his feet.

"Come on." He murmured, starting to lead him toward the door; but Felix paused for a moment, glancing back at Henry, eyes suddenly sharp and lucid.

"Bird was right. You fit." The focus in his eyes faded, and he blinked before frowning.

"It's me that doesn't fit anymore. Trying to push squares through circular holes." He made a quiet humming noise in the back of his throat, before turning back to Peter.

Peter stared at him, something _aching_ present in his eyes; before he let out a breath and led the taller boy from the room.

Henry caught Wendy when her knees gave out the moment the door shut, stroking her back as she burst into tears, loud sobs that caught in her throat as she tried to get them out.

-

"What happened to him?" Wendy's voice was still rough from all the crying she'd done, and she walked closer to Peter on her knees until she could press her forehead to the back of his neck, curl against him where he was sat on the edge of the bed.

He let out a breath, while Henry settled beside him, legs crossed and eyes gentle on his face.

"I asked him after we got out. _Fuck_ , I knew something was wrong the moment we found him, but we couldn't- I couldn't leave him there, especially not with the way he freaked out when we got close to the labs. And his _face_ , lao tien fu there was no way I was going to leave him after I saw that." Wendy stiffened, wrapping his arms around him while Henry moved to take one of his hands between both of his, interlocking their fingers.

"What did he say?" The dark haired boy asked softly; and Peter glanced at him, before his expression hardened.

"He said the guards took bets on how long it would take for each of them to break; that the average was a year and six months." Wendy made a quiet noise behind him, tears starting again; and he tangled the fingers of his free hand with hers, squeezing tightly.

Henry held the hand he'd claimed to his heart, eyes sliding shut; before he spoke quietly, drawing the attention of the both of them.

"He still loves you." When his eyes opened they were both watching him, Peter's mouth open, Wendy with tear-tracks on her cheeks. He gently squeezed Peter's fingers before continuing.

"He said something...about the Alliance not being forgiving toward teenagers who don't know how to stop being in love with someone. And when I asked if he'd stopped he said 'never'." They both stared at him for a moment; before Peter's expression faltered, and Henry opened his arms for the both of them, holding them close when they shifted closer.

"He's still in there." Henry whispered, pressing his face into Peter's hair, and their arms tightened around him before they all shifted so they could lie sprawled out on the bed, Peter's face buried in the crook of Henry's neck while Wendy curled into his side, hiding against his shoulder.

It didn't take long for them to start crying again - Wendy in soft sobs, shaking against him, while Peter's tears were completely silent, the only evidence of them the wetness on Henry's neck - but they stopped gradually, until all three of them were almost asleep, Henry instinctively shifting onto his side to curl up against Peter, Wendy flush against his back.

They were just about gone, breathing steady, thoughts drifting, when a shout cut across the air, echoing down the hall and seeping into their room.

Peter shot up, tumbling out of the bed without even being fully awake and grabbing his gun where he's set it on the table earlier. Wendy and Henry both reached for him, a question on Wendy's lips; but he spoke before she could voice it.

"It's Felix." They didn't ask how he knew with such certainty that Felix was the one crying out, just stumbled after him, Wendy with her heart in her throat, Henry wincing when the shouting continued, wordless and raw and pained.

They all burst into the room Felix was supposed to be sleeping in, searching corners for intruders; but they faltered when they came up blank, instead just finding Felix, thrashing on his bed as he cried and shouted, in the grip of a nightmare.

Peter thrust his gun into Henry's hands before he moved over to the bed, catching Felix's thrashing arms by the wrists and tugging him against his chest, until he could wrap his arms around the blond boy tightly, rubbing soothing circles into his back.

Wendy pressed her hands to her mouth, shoulders shaking, while Felix keened and cried against Peter's throat. He kept pushing at Peter's chest, not hard enough to really break free but enough that Peter tightened his hold, fisting his fingers in his hair and the back of his shirt. Henry reached out, gently taking hold of Wendy's elbow; but when she looked back at him his eyes were on the boys on the bed, soft and sad.

"Come on, Wendy. Peter's got him." She protested for half a second, making to join the boys on the bed, but then she let Henry curl an arm around her waist, lead her quietly from the room with a final glance back at Peter.

Peter shot him a grateful look; and then moved to smooth his knuckles over the back of Felix's neck as the nightmare faded, and his cries quietened.

Peter murmured into Felix's hair, eyes sliding shut.

"Ni bu ying duh jur guh. None of it." Felix just made a soft, desperate noise against his throat; and Peter held him tighter.

-

Peter woke to rough fingertips on his face, tracing over the slope of his nose, the swell of his lips, along his jaw and up to rest momentarily at his temples before starting again, slow and feather-light and memorising.

His eyes slid open; and he found himself met by clear blue eyes, steady and alert on his face.

"New scars." Felix murmured, thumb lingering on a mostly invisible line of scar tissue on Peter's chin; and Peter replied cautiously, moving to touch the thick scar slicing across Felix's face.

"You've picked up some of your own." He offered; and Felix's eyes fluttered shut at his touch.

The blonde boy hummed softly.

"Tried to run. First time they were forgiving. Fifth they let me heal on my own time; no more medical facilities. First aid kit thrown through a gap in the door, patching yourself up in a tiny mirror. Stopped running after that." Peter's expression twisted, and Felix frowned without opening his eyes, fingertips coming to rest on Peter's bottom lip.

"Stop making faces. Not your fault." His eyes opened again, still - thankfully - focussed and clear; and his expression softened as he studied Peter's face.

"This isn't a dream, is it?" He whispered. Peter shook his head wordlessly, watching as Felix's expression both fell and hardened.

He caught the blonde boy's hands when they shoved roughly at his chest.

"Stupid boy." He snapped, glaring at Peter; and Peter glared right back at him, not needing to have been close to him for the last five years to know what he meant.

"We couldn't _leave_ you-" Felix cut over him, voice rough.

"Should have. Better left than bringing them down on you." Peter growled under his breath, shifting so Felix was on his back and Peter was straddling him, wrists pinned to the bed while Peter bared his teeth down at Felix.

" _Never_ say that. Not _ever_. There was no way we were leaving you, especially after we found out what that place is." He snapped the words down at him, and Felix shut his eyes, turning his head away.

"Didn't rescue me, though. Not all of me; pieces left behind in jars." His eyes slid open, and he watched Peter's expression falter out of the corner of his eye before continuing.

"Took me out, cut me up into pieces and only put half back. I was never coming out of this whole; you can't fix something with only half the parts, they know that. And no one wants something broken." Peter's expression hardened, and he dropped onto his forearms, balancing on one so he could turn Felix's head by his chin so he was facing him properly.

"We want you. _I_ want you." Felix's looked back at him steadily.

"You don't know me. Not anymore. I don't even know me; don't know what's mine and what's not, what I'm allowed to know and what's stealing." He frowned a little, fingers curling in the air above his head.

"And you shouldn't. You've got Wendy, got Henry; soft edges, easy to love. I don't fit. Not fourteen anymore." His voice dropped to a mutter with his last words, before his eyes slid shut again.

"Stop looking for fourteen year old Felix. He doesn't exist anymore; got swallowed whole by blue hands and needles, disappeared into nothing years ago. I'm not him and he's not me. Can't slot back into a space I'm not made for any more." Peter released his chin in favour of leaning in, pressing their foreheads together.

"Felix..." He didn't know how to continue; and he let out a breath. Felix filled the air for him, breath warm on Peter's face even as he spoke, throat raw from all the crying during the night and with how much speaking he was doing.

"Don't belong to anyone anymore. Not you, or me, or them, much as they tried. Can't belong when you're never one person; I've had days when I don't even remember my name..." He trailed off, keeping his eyes shut while Peter's slid open; and he pushed lightly at Peter's grip on his wrists while green eyes flicked over his features.

"Please don't." Peter pressed his thumbs into the pulse points at Felix's wrists, speaking softly.

"You belong to us, whatever they've done to you." He stated, closing the gap between them until he was bare millimetres from Felix, lips almost brushing; and Felix swallowed thickly, the swell of his Adam's apple shifting, before flipping their positions with an unexpected burst of strength, frowning down at Peter when he was holding himself over him, leaning back and away when Peter pushed himself up on his elbows.

"Not fair to you, or her, and especially not him. Can't give you parts when you deserve something _whole_. Won't." He dropped back on his heels, before pushing away to lean against the wall, legs dragged up against his chest, eyes shut.

Peter sat up slowly, and Felix responded to a question he hadn't even started to voice.

"Course I still want. The wanting doesn't go away. Doesn't change anything, though." Peter replied sharply, filing away how Felix had read him without even needing to open his eyes to mull over later in favour of frowning at the boy he'd grown up with.

"It changes _everything_." He stated, quiet; and Felix shook his head, keeping his face pressed to his knees when he replied.

"Go back to Bird and Henry, Pan. They're both about to wake up, and they've not got cracks. Won't leak when you try and fill them up." Peter reached for him, but Felix flinched away from his touch; and his fingers closed on air, fists dropping into his lap before he pushed to his feet.

"I'm not giving up." He stated, sharp and stubborn, walking swiftly out of the room; and Felix was silent for a long moment after he'd gone, before he let out a shaking breath.

"I know you're not." He mumbled, and pushed his fingers through his hair.

**Author's Note:**

> 1 - Merciful God please take me away  
> 2 - Mother humping son of a bitch  
> 3 - oh God  
> 4 - You don't deserve it
> 
> -
> 
> It's the Firefly!AU no one really wanted!  
> You're smart people you were right not to want this it hurts.


End file.
